" ‘ “The Lord bless you
and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.” ’ "
Numbers 6:24-26 NIV
I was asked recently, "How do you prepare for an event such as your child's open heart surgery?" I am an emotional guy. I always have been. I cry at Hallmark commercials. Preparing for my daughter's open heart surgeries have been full of emotion. I am certain that there are a number of psychologists that will tell you the best ways to mentally prepare, but I want to share with you how my wife and I personally handled the emotional roller coaster. So many thoughts running through my head, so many emotions to contend with, but here is what I found helpful to prepare for the major events.
- Positive outcomes. It's no secret, as a parent, we have to remain positive; be the cheerleader. We have to stay strong and envision what will take place when our child heals from the trial they are going through. We made a list of all the things that my daughter wanted to do when she recovered: swim, run, and dance. In our case, our little girl had planned for the entire family to run a 5K race over the summer. This allowed her to stay focused on the end results and to keep her strength. Positive thoughts created motivation and encouragement.
- Negative outcomes. Parents must sign a consent form before any surgical procedures begin. This consent form states what will take place during the surgery and the risk factors associated with the procedure. It is important to review the risks, no matter how minor, to understand what could happen. It is important to review the risks and not shy away from the major possibilities. Risks have to be discussed and acknowledged because someone having the same procedure in the past had an adverse reaction. I had to come face to face knowing that death could occur. While this thought is a complete 180 degrees from being positive, I had to give this to God; His will, not my desires.
- While no one wants to think about the negative outcomes, I personally had to hit this head on. Let's face it, stopping a beating heart has risk factors, death being one of them. If I did not at least face the fact that open heart surgery is a risky event, I would have been lying to myself. While the planned surgery has a 96% survival rate, I took it as far as considering what funeral services would look like. I know it's a dark place to be, but for me, I had to put myself in that situation to deal with the emotions surrounding my daughter's situation. While I prayed for positive results, I had to consider that my family is not immune to negative outcomes.
- Unexpected outcomes. Unexpected outcomes caught my family by surprise twice. I never imagined that our daughter would walk in for an open heart surgery only to be discharged a few hours later with the procedure being canceled. And for the second time in two years, we had to tell our daughter that the surgery did not go as planned and that she is still not well. What are the variety of things that could happen? The good? The worst? The somewhere in between? Its impossible to think of everything, but parents have to be realistic and realize that procedures may go smoothly and there could be anomalies.
- Faith. Of these four, faith is the most important. "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1 NIV) I am a believer in Christ. In situation of children going through pain and suffering, many people cringe and say, "How can God allow children to go through such agony?!" It was also relayed to me that my family is experiencing another health issues because "Someone in the family is not living right." Let me provide a little insight to these statements I have heard.
- There are a number of ways that I can address the first questions. Romans 5:12 tells us that when Adam sinned, sin entered the world and death entered as well. The perfect world that God wanted to give us, was now a tarnished place. Secondly, Jesus tells us in John 16:33 that we will have troubles. Following God does not mean Christians receive a free pass from pain or sorrow. I believe that followers of Christ have a new outlook on life and the challenges we face.
- The second statement stating that illness or death is punishment for the way we live is answered in John 9:3, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him..." We cannot begin to understand the plans of God, but believers with faith know that all things work for the good of those who love him. (Romans 8:25 NIV) When with walk with God, we have a different approach to tragic situations, a new outlook when life does not go according to our plans.
These are the four things my family and I did to cope with a very emotional situation. We should give our worries to God, but it is not always easy is it? When someone you love is facing a situation that could alter their life - facing something that could alter our life, our selfishness comes into play. Prayers like, "Lord don't take her from me. Keep her safe!" ring from our mouth as if we can keep loved ones safer than God. Faith is key in tough situations; when our very faith is shaken to its core, we must cling to our faith to keep us focused and moving forward. Trying to realize that God knows best means letting go: letting go of fear, and letting go of selfishness, letting go of our loved ones so God can take over.
