"Charlene has..."

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

Thu, Jan 21, 10:37 AM

Please call me.

I really need you to call me please. 

When you receive a double text from your spouse, you respond immediately. She answered and sounded happy. I said, "Are you calling to tell me you bought a lottery ticket last night and that we won?" Her reply was, "Yes, that is exactly it," as she giggled.

"The results are back," Charlene said, "It's cancer."

Immediately upon hearing the "c" word, I broke down and cried with her as we simultaneously gasped over the phone. Simply put, fear swept over my mind and soul. Hospital stays, chemo treatments, doctor appointments, all flashed in my mind. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to think. I do not remember much of the conversation thereafter, but I do remember praying with her.

I remember my heart raced as if it were about to leap from my chest. And my chest became heavy, as if someone were sitting on it. My mind began to race with questions, "What was happening? How could this be happening? What does this mean? What do we do? How do we tell the kids? How do we tell the family? Who shouldn't we tell? Should we keep this quiet? Should.... What if...?"

The questions kept coming. Tears kept falling. I kept hearing this voice, "Stay calm. Do not fear." Then I began thinking, "What do you mean, 'Stay Calm. Do not fear,' Charlene just told me she has cancer!"

I was not certain what our next steps were,but within seconds, God would guide me in the role as as a husband and supporter. I would best summarize the next 24 hours doing the following things:

1. Give up control. I had to give her the control. We had to give God control. As men, it is to want to control a situation, but this situation was different. No one, on earth, knows my wife better than me. I knew that she would fight this on her terms and that if I gave any input, it had to be delicate, and whatever decisions she would make from dinner to treatments, I would let her call the shots, and I should provide gentle feedback and support. We made a decision to praise God through this storm. 
2. Cancel everything and talk. I knew I had to make time for her. We needed time with each other. We had plans that evening, but I was not about to dramatically make changes without her. While I offered to leave work, she told me to stay. I felt that she would need some time alone to deal with this on her own. Not every woman or person would want this time of solitude, but I knew that she needed it to mentally prepare. I did ask her if she wanted to cancel our evening plans so we could talk. She was very appreciative of being able to have the quiet time. 
3. Avoid research. It is so easy to log on and begin doing your own research on a medical diagnosis. I knew that if I began doing a lot of research, I could make matters worse and create undo anxiety; life is about to become stressful with the sheer nature of fighting cancer. I made the decision to avoid detailed research until we met with doctors. 
4. Be honest. In the few short hours of being told my wife has breast cancer, I was a mess. I tried to remain strong for my wife, but there was one moment at dinner where it became too real and I broke. It was a special moment, she would later tell me that she needed to know that I cared.
5. Plan. It was confirmed; the cancer is real. There is no denying it. We knew we had to tell the kids, family, friends, and our ministry. It is a family matter, not just a wife or husband situation, it involves the entire family. Everyone is involved and we began to gently process things and create an initial  plan of communication with friends and family through phone calls and texts messages. We wanted to avoid social media as long as we could. 

Through it all, we allowed the Holy Spirit to guide our path, calm our fears, and to simply allow us to breathe. We each had our moments of weakness. We had our moments of strength. We knew we were not alone.  

"How can you let this happen?!"

I have heard it said that when a sermon is given, many times, it is not meant to teach, but to convict the one delivering the message. On Sunday, January 17, 2016, I stood before 200 middle school students, little did I know that this message would help me prepare for one of the toughest weeks of my family's life.

The message was called "Don't Leave Me." It centered around the prophet Jeremiah and his writings in Lamentations and landed on the truth that, "When my heart is broken, God never leaves me."  Have you ever felt alone or that God does not hear your cries?

You see, Jeremiah was a man of God. A prophet and a priest in the city of Jerusalem. He devoted his life listening to God and sharing God's words to those in this great city. When Jerusalem came under attack by an enemy army, the city was basically leveled. All the men, women, and children Jeremiah knew, loved, and taught, had been killed. This great and powerful city, chosen by God to be a center of worship, had fallen. Jeremiah would cry out in prayer, cry out in anger and confusion to God, "How could you let this happen?!"

We all know someone that has gotten mad at God and asked the same question, yet instead of turning to God for comfort, they turn to him in anger and walk away, sometimes to never return. But is it possible to be upset with God, yet love him too?

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. 

From his temple he heard my voice; 

my cry came before him, into his ears.  Psalm 18:6 (NIV)

God wants to hear our hurts, our pain, our sorrow.

At some point in our life, they will face difficult challenges and losses. On this particular Sunday I asked students to decide to trust God with the outcomes of their life when things do not go as planned. We must be open and honest, but realize that He holds the key. We may never understand what is taking place in this world, but we have hope. Just as Jeremiah had hope:

I will never forget this awful time as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still date to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance, therefore, I will hope in him!" Lamentations 3:20-24 (NLT)

Jeremiah was homeless. He was literally completely alone. No one and no thing could console him in his loss, yet, through his anger and pain, he chose to never lose hope in God.

All too often, we feel that we have to understand what God is doing. This is not faith; this is a selfish desire to try to control a situation or an outcome and not to rely on our heavenly father.  In that frustration, we tend to try to take control of a situation and not allow God to work; missing out on his blessings and his ability to take control.

God did not create us to live in pain and suffering; he created us to be in a relationship with Him. God promised Adam and Eve what would happen if they ate from the tree of knowledge. God kept His word; His promise. God also promises to make it right one day when He returns; that is our hope.  That is why we love and cherish him.

We may never understand why God does what he does or why bad things happen, but I know this, when we allow God to work in our life, we will see his hand. We will see miracles happen. Maybe our prayers are not answered the way our selfish desires would like, but I urge you, look for God in your times of distress. Look for Jesus to provide comfort and lean in to one of the verses that took me years to fully comprehend:

And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those 

who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:25 (NIV)

I do not know what awful times and sufferings you are going through or have gone through. Maybe a divorce, death of a loved one, sexual abuse, or maybe cancer. Maybe you feel alone that God does not hear you or your cries. But God will never leave you. Lean in to His word, his mercies. Know that you are not alone.

What made this week so tough on my family and I? In the days to come, you will read about the Kimmel's "city of Jerusalem " - aka life - come under attack by an enemy army. What will be the outcome? I am not certain, but I know one thing, my family and I will lean on the Rock of Salvation and pray. Let nothing shake our faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.